At what point did I feel like a mom?

I got asked the following question "At what point did I fee like a mom?" I sat there sort of shell shocked by the question because I didn't give birth, I didn't breast feed, I didn't get that baby pee baptism, I didn't feel a new life taking over my body from the inside out. I adopted, we adopted not one but 3! So as a I sat and thought about others responses I started to get teary eyed and asked myself how could I answer this and not be Debbie downer to others beautiful experiences? I decided to not answer because as I thought about moments where I felt I am their mom they had an undertone of sadness because we fought for so long to finally say I AM THEIR MOM!! Their birth certificates say so. It wasn't easy, it wasn't something we counted it on, it was touch and go there for a real long time! So I am grateful for milestone moments in their lives because I didn't get so many early ones. Honestly it does pain me that I missed that because they are my kids and I can't imagine that I missed all that those first.

      Something lovely happened though from all my listening and being on the brink of tears. I heard other bio moms say they had missed out too due to other forces at work in their lives. That was soothing to my heart. It was soothing to hear one mom say she didn't know how to introduce herself because of circumstances in her life. I wasn't alone, the why was different but still I wasn't alone. This is community folks in the body of Christ. This is the way it's suppose to look like. Receiving each other's story and finding that you don't have to be alone anymore. There are so many facets to being a mom, a believer, a wife, a friend, a church volunteer, a whatever you want to name but these moments are the moments that are so pure and where I feel God holding my hand through someone else's flesh and saying "I get you."

The Secret Weapon of Praise

    Currently we are in the month of Christmas where there are manger scenes every where and Jesus is on buttons of the faithful who still know Christmas is about Christ. Someone said this season is weird because Jesus morphs back to a little child. Jesus is no longer a babe that is weak and needing of care. We celebrate the birth of Jesus and that He came with a purpose. It took several seasons of him living a status quo life training and living before he moved to truly meet the needs of people, people like myself.
    Yesterday my husband and I went to court to yet again being pulled emotionally with the change in our foster children's plans. We have become so invested in them and them in us that the thought of them leaving us is incredibly painful. We knew going there that we would hear the plan was to be changed but we went any way to hear everything we could about the particulars and if given a chance to speak. We did not get that chance. We came home so incredibly exhausted we could barely move. We went straight to nap for a few hours. Last night we felt so heavy and belabored. We attempted small moments of escape through movies and desserts. I laid my head down for sleep last night hoping to shut it all off. This morning I rose with a purpose to spend time with the one who came to be with me.
      I sat in my club chair and read scripture and still the heaviness and tiredness hovered. Then I read a small article entitled Emmanuel, God with us. I began to really meditate on this then I was reminded of a powerful tool...praise & worship. Like Paul and Silas we had no idea what will happen next, we felt trapped and helpless. "Mary praised in the midst of her unknowing."(Geischen) So I did just that I put on my Ipod on and I praised Him in the midst of my unknowing, in the midst of my great fears and pain. I sang better is one day in your courts than thousands else where. The heaviness began to lift. My perspective shifted to the real truth! The truth that never changes.
"Because you are my helper I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely." Psalm 63:7,8
    I was reminded that there is so much power in praise, your perspective shifts and all that is there is still there but Jesus is holding my hand. He is alive and I celebrate His friendship and comfort.