A Different Kind of Christmas

Tis the seasons to see families together, gifts exchanged, peace and good will towards man. In a home with 3 kids who have lived the majority of their lives in the "system" Christmas is more a time of anxiety and sadness. Sure there is an excitement about classroom parties and gifts but that last but an inkling for my kids who deep down are sad, are grieving the loss of their biological people and wondering why they aren't around. This year adoption is coming to our front step. We go to court to finally cut the last remaining legal ties for our kids to be adoptable. I find it ironic that it's five days before the world celebrates one small babe who was born in terrible circumstances, through a time of fear and the unknown. He was the only child given to this world to bring about restoration to have free access to the Father. His ultimate sacrifice would bring forth peace and a freedom to go to the Father any time any where. Our kids were rescued in the same way, brought about sacrifice, unending love and devotion. We continue to pursue relationship with them, we continue to forgive their antics to keep us at arm's length, we continue to supply truth to their lives and balm for their wounds. I pray this Christmas isn't just about gobs of presents and squeezing through the crowds for that not so perfect present but remembering and accepting that the best present of all is the Savior who came to restore your life. The Savior who sacrificed himself in order that you would have beauty for ashes, peace for your despair, joy for your sadness and a sure ground for you to walk on.

The Sacrifice of Borrowed Motherhood

This sculpture came to mind when I thought of my current situation of being a foster mom. My days thus far have only been borrowed. Most folks who don't know or our family don't know the children we love and care for are foster children. They have been with us 14 months and we are in love with them. We've been in and out of court with their goal being changed here and there because of the law and what it says. 

What I've chosen to do is to put into them the best I can. I see more and more everyday their disadvantages and how they struggle with normal situations. I see they have seen abuse and neglect immeasurable and yet they are not free to adopt. I am reminded of the borrowed time every time their social worker makes her monthly surprise visit.  I thought I had missed it when my husband was home instead of me; but no she came again today. My heart breaks every time I think I might have to part with them to a place that will have no hope or help. That I find it to be the hardest but my  physical presence quickly moves to the their immediate daily needs while in the back of my minds I wonder will I get to kiss them goodnight for much longer... tooth brushing x 3, homework x 2, interminable potty training. This is my sacrifice of love to them and I hope that it changes them no matter the outcome.