yesterday we had our adoption home study,never mind we had a foster hone study in Oct.It' s one if those things you have to go through though you know all about what they will say since you are moving from fostering to adopting. still got to go through the hoops.
I am reflecting on our journey. I worried so much about how others would perceive our family, how our kids wouldn't look like us, how much I hated the idea of shopping for a kid. As the journey continued things got unbelievably tough court became difficult. our dream of adopting became a real journey of faith in the midst of zero guarantee . I worked tirelessly to implement therapeutic methods, hyper vigilance all while not focusing on the fear these beautiful kids would disappear and return . still our best was called upon, our hearts were needed to engage to nurture . I suppose I could have chosen not to engage, I could have done the bare minimum but in the midst of the hardships I felt God' s voice saying "I know what your heart' s desire is as and won' t break it!" I have to say at times this wording made me mad. Why icould n' t God just say yeah they aren't going anywhere? Why these words specifically? I believe it was to promote healing for me, to promote trust in heavenly father that is just,honorable,always does the right thing and cares for my heart . I don't know how many Times I put myself in situations that reeked of bad return yet my expectation was for better . As the proverbial bad fruit would arise I would be crushed and wounded, untrusting.
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