I Speak Jive

 Today's blog entry is on communication. I realize this is an artform a science if you well. We pick up how to communicate from our mothers initially as we closely bond to them as our pathways are being created in our too complicated brains. Now if this delicate balance is interrupted, never started and then you pick up language on the fly communication at best is muddled like talking through a can. If your experiences with communication are never tied to how you truly feel and seeing it as a tool to express ideas and feelings well then folks it becomes up the proverbial creek without you know the paddle. In trying to create a healing environment for three kids coming from severe neglect and abuse I have found myself a whole lot less patient with adults who lack skill in this area. Now don't get judgy folks it's where I am at. I don't have the time or the energy to be indirect or  read between the stalks of niceties. I understand for some personality types straight forwardness is challenging but sheesh if you have something to say that is how you feel it's VALID! 

Now I do believe there are rules of engagement if you will. 

Good communication does not

1) Cut the person down

2) is not used to manipulate the person into getting your way

3) tell another friend instead of you

4) stew, fester and then blow up because you can't get it out

Good communication does

1.) say yes when they mean yes or no when they mean no

2) communicate personal boundaries/expectations

3)further friendship

4)LISTEN

5)only shares advise when asked

6)challenge 

7)stays respectful

8) Nurtures

9) Inquires

Now I am the type of person who feels free to be ornary when I feel close enough to a person. I do not ever wish to make a person feel less then, offend or cut down. I do however like to bother with comments such as "sheesh it's cause I am brown" or wow looking like you are going for a leg warmer event, so you aren't shaving, or you are tOOOO hot for the atrocity of this dress you tried on!  I like to lighten the mood with funny witty comments but when it gets down to business and being real about where I am at I find not many can handle my unloading. I don't unload in a manner that requires the hearer to fix it, or even offer advice. I just want to be heard and if I should feel like I need a "hey what do you think?" I have no problems asking. Now when communication becomes um how do I put it indirect, mean, finger pointing or judgy I get pretty bugged out. If you feel like cussing someone out because your day has sucked GO kick a tree. If you feel like I can't tell you how I really feel because you won't be my friend COME ON it isn't 1st grade anymore. My little ones say such things when they don't get their way too. When you respect someone you listen! You take their feelings under consideration but for crying out out loud USE YOUR WORDS!!!. Even though communication is an art form, a craft and a science if you see there are continual issues with you and others dying in the desert because you are there 40 yrs learn a  new skill. You don't have to take on what the other person says, You are a worth sharing and just as valid as the next person.