6 Little Running Feet

      I became an instant foster mom of three almost a year ago. My hubby and I went into this journey with our eyes open knowing the children might be reunited with their parent. It's been almost a year and the children though challenged have bonded with us beyond our dreams. We love them and they love us. They constantly say they don't want to leave. Any little change of pace undoes them in ways that normal children aren't undone. At different times during normal daily activities such as having dinner different stories have come out about abuse and their past. It's so hard to process for yourself as a parent and even harder to help them. 
    There are things you hope for when you think you are going to be a parent. There are things you tell people that you will do and things you will "never" do but when you are in the thick of it all bets are off. 
   The details of our situation make me daily need to choose a different hope and alternative. I remember always feeling like education was important as a kid and how failing at it was just not an option. I suppose I felt that education would be the same for my kids, but right now it isn' t the end all beat all. I've had my perspective challenged because emotional health is taking precedence. Also always knowing that we would adopt I had assumed the children would not really look like us. I had pondered the many struggles that were sure to come with that and how others might react but never once did I think that they would look like me. Now I have the reverse problem were those who don't know our family assume they are biologically ours and all their quirks are my raising. It's amazing how in public you want to put your best foot forward and even more so as a mom. Some think automatically I am super mom because we were willing to chose to bring three small children into ours lives. I have never felt more challenged in my life. 
   No one really tells you that in parenting your past issues will all come flooding in and that you have to process that, maybe heal from or rethink in the midst of dealing with the here and in your face. I am neither a saint or hedonist but wow have I found out about myself in this process of completely rearranging my life. When you are out in everyday life and surrounded by other adults you tend to think of your home as your safe place when it's just you and your spouse. You can regroup there and figure out how to handle situations and destress and face the world again. When your life is changed to meet the every real and impressing demand of children you come to the end of yourself pretty quickly. I have no shame in saying that because it's the truth. I'm not more patient than the next mom or feel like fostering is something I can completely handle. Sure I think if the Lord sees fit to put these children back with their bio-dad that my heart would surely mourn for a long time. You have dreams about what your family will be like when everyone else is having baby after baby.
    But one thing that I have held strong to is that God really does see all! God knows all. I continue to believe and pray to no end that His plans for these children will come to fruition and I speak destiny into them every moment possible. I rise at 5 am everyday to go to my meeting place with  Abba Father to get my daily bread. The word says He hears me, that in my weakness He is strong and that He works in me to do His good pleasure. Without God this whole experience would come crashing down.  I am glad that God led us to this place where we chose to open our doors to show these children what a normal mommy and daddy do for each other and for their kids.